Save The Spidermoose! (Run)
|Date: 20th February 2019|
Tammy Whitestar, undergraduate science researcher at the Kitimat Community College in the Tsimshian Protectorate, has a bee in her bonnet about the noble spidermoose. She hires a team of Seattle runners to help her with this pressing matter.
At the meet in Kitimat's number one bar, The Randy Sasquatch, Tammy unveils her plans after a brief hiatus involving Ice Hawk being repeatedly hit with a bat to no apparent effect. She asks the team to tag several spidermoose, to capture a live female, and to observe and record an interaction between a spidermoose and one of the region's many roaming toxic mages, offering them the bulk of her research funding. This is not good enough for Jet, who calls Tammy's supervising professor and then the research sponsor, Gaeatronics, and uses her celebrity status to demand an increase in research funding for this critical field of study. Result: double pay for the team plus an honorary doctorate for herself.
Ice Hawk's friends in the Haida National Liberation Army lend the team an off-road truck, on which Brick mounts his trusty heavy machinegun. They set off into the wilderness to find spidermoose, and come across a small herd which they humanely incapacitate with nonlethal gunfire - but not before being attacked by savage acid-spitting glow rats! They fend off the rats, tag the unconscious moorachnids and bundle a choice specimen into the back of the truck.
With the specimen secured, it's off to the wilderness to find a toxic mage - the most sensible of afternoon endeavours. No sooner do they start their search than they are attacked by savage angel squirrels, which deal brutal radiation burns to Ice Hawk before falling under a hail of gunfire. Instead of pushing on, the team return to the HNLA base and rest up for the night.
Morning comes, and with it renewed resolve - the team set out once more and stumble blindly into a toxic mage, his corrupt spirit, a rad-hound and six angry spidermoose. Jet opens negotiations with a friendly greeting, which the mage responds to by commanding his spidermoose thralls to spray webbing on the truck. Gunplay commences, however briefly, and the foul toxic terror is scrubbed from the land. Approximately three seconds of viable footage can be recovered.
After a brief detour for a traffic stop — "No, Sergeant, this is a completely legal hunting heavy machinegun stuck to our paramilitary technical truck with massive spider webs" was apparently not entirely believable, but subsequent threats of violence to the Tsimshian military patrol were deemed entirely credible— the team return with the goods, get paid and skip town for sunny Seattle.
Save The Spidermoose! (Run)